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Bridges Runner

Momma said there would be days like this....

Momma said there would be days like this....

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I'm sorry this has turned into a bitch/rant journal. I usually don't like to do that because well...you gotta take actions to solve things. In this case I feel that getting my feelings out there will help me understand and do the actions I need to do. Really this journal is here for my own benefits because sometimes I'm not very good at letting my true feelings out.

Today I hit another low. I had that empty feeling that I'm alone and that I will never change. Some things didn't go my way and I think I let that effect my mood. Why is it that we have to look at other people around us and feel like we don't have what they have? Can we ever truly be happy with what we have? I feel bad because I feel like its petty to feel sad like I do....I shouldn't have to depend on other people. I'm a very strong willed person so this is a whole new thing for me. I usually don't like to let everything out because I guess I'm afraid to be weak. Does any of that make sense?

I'm a bit on edge since I'm still trying to figure out this city and real world thing...but I think I'm doing a little better. I'm really trying to right the ship and start my new life. Thank you everyone for being there for me and I apologize ahead of time if I'm a bit on edge...I need to get better at letting my true feelings out. I almost wonder if I would have an easier time starting my new life if I just let the emotions flow.

Transition isn't easy. As my roommate has been trying to tell me, its not something you learn in college...they don't tell you about what happens when you get to the real world. Its just something you have to learn on your own. I guess this year is a different kind of schooling for me...and it seems the toughest. I know I am not alone and that makes me smile...smile to the fact that it lets me know who my true friends and family are. Life is just a continous set of challenges...I feel like I need to decide what I want to do with these challenges....I think I can take these challenges and succeed...as success in my mind is finding what makes me happy.

Until I figure things out this journal probably will just be me letting these feelings out....so just be forewarned.

But I'm going to bed happy....after talking to some friends they made me realize we're all in it together...and we will get through this:-D

Tomorrow is a new day....and new days bring better things, right? :)
  • Doh!

    And to think you almost got a surprise visit last night. ;) Seems I had nothing to do last night and I was driving to New York for no reason other than to hit the road.. until I started getting way too sleepy. I thought about visiting you and now I know why.

    Keep hacking away Lis. You're not the only one with these problems, and its something I'm beginning to think everyone's destined to go through. I've been trying to right my own ship since Boeing hurled me out on my ass and as you can see, it's taken me a long time. Part of it has to do with me, part has to do with the environment, and the rest is all timing and luck.

    You have a solid job, a solid foundation to start that adult life you're worried about, and you have good friends behind you. If your feelings don't seem to come out easy spend some time listening to them, it's probably your instinct itching to say something. And you never know, it may give you that clue you've been searching for.

    Patience is the lesson I'm learning now Lis. Who knows? Maybe you're supposed to learn the same thing! :)
  • ranting is 100% allowed as long as you tell people you are gonna rant. i'm in the same boat as you.
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